My dear,

I think that if you’ve ever  loved someone with all your heart, you can’t really unlove him back.

All of a sudden you get the urge to hate him, to fight him, to contradict him, to see him in a bad light, but you never stop loving him for real. You learn to suppress your feelings; you learn to keep a distance and to draw barriers, but you never learn a way to get over him hundred percent.

He is the same guy you fell for years ago. He looks at you with the same eyes, and when he smiles, you melt inside again, even if it lasts for just a quarter of a second. Yes, the urge to hate him comes right back, and you remember everything he did to make you hate him, but for some seconds, sometime, when you meet him again, everything will feel the same.

He will say the right words and do the right things, he might even hold the door for you and carry your skis, he will move on the side of the street and wait for you to finish your drink, and all of a sudden you will die inside a little, and your head will explode with ‘what ifs’ and you will still have the taste of his lips from the first and the last kiss time you kissed, and you will cringe a bit at that thought, but you will never really get over. Because there are certain times when you will miss him, that part of him that made you love him in the first place.

There will be quiet afternoons when the sun will shine on your face and you will sit alone in your room and remember about the way you loved and how you were loved back. Of course, you will feel guilty for that. You will feel stupid and strange that you started thinking about a silly love and it made your day, and you will punish your thoughts and your feelings, putting them back in their place.

I bet no one told you, but... you know what? You are a human being. You are allowed to feel whatever you do at that moment. You are allowed to let feelings flow through you, from time to time. It’s nothing wrong with it. It's nothing wrong with you. Unless you let feelings control your whole life, let them tingle your stomach and let them remind you that you are alive, and that you've always been.

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